Let me make sure all the facts are straight so that my future self isn't confused as I read this. Today is Wednesday. (and P.S. it's 6:26 AM... I didn't even wake up this early on the mission! I got 4 more minutes than this!) Okay, so today is Wednesday and I am in California. Chris and I drove here yesterday. Well, Heidi and Dennis left on Monday, but they stopped to go camping for a night so we weren't expecting them until last night. But they never showed up.
Anybody who knows me for at least 5 minutes knows that I am a worrier. I get it from my dad, who gets it from my grandma. I'm glad she's in Heaven and didn't have to suffer through the worry all night like I did.
Okay, so yesterday I texted Heidi expecting an update of where they were and how the trip was going, as I always get from her on road trips. But she never responded. Noon came around and I figured she just hadn't looked at her phone yet. Busy doing mom stuff or driving. Then 2 o' clock and still nothing. Then 5. Then 6. Then 7. Still nobody had heard anything. Then midnight came and went and still no sign of Heidi or Dennis. Nobody had heard from them ALL day. Not a text or a Facebook post or nothin'. So, I was worried... to say the least. And most of the time--probably about 100% of the time--when I worry, nobody else is worried. I'm usually the only one. And now that I think about it, that probably means my worries are usually, if not always, irrational. But last night, my mom was worried. And Kelly was worried. And Dianne was worried. And even Robert was worried. If Robert was worried, then I know I'm justified, because that man is just plain care-free! So, now that we were all worried, I was just straight going loco. I was thinking about all the horrible possibilities of what could have happened and why they weren't reachable. That could be a whole blog post of its own--all the stories happening in my head of horrible things that happened to Heidi and Dennis and the boys. Dennis's phone just went straight to voicemail, which is never a good sign. And Heidi's just kept ringing and ringing. I even tried to FaceTime the boys on their iPhone and iPad. Nothin'.
I had already said about 200 prayers by this point and could not get anything on my to-do list done because every time I thought about doing something productive, I would just curl on my bed and pray that my sister and her family were OK. So finally, I got down on my knees and gave God a real prayer. Then I felt like I should read the Book of Mormon to calm my nerves. So I pulled it up on my phone and pressed play in 2 Nephi chapter 2, right where I left off last time. But for some reason I just felt like I should skip a few chapters. Something about chapter 6 felt right, which anybody knows is strange for me. It never feels right for a person with OCD to skip a few chapters and start somewhere where I just haven't gotten to yet. But it felt better in chapter 6. So I pressed play and listened.
The first scripture that caught my interest was verse 3: "Nevertheless I speak unto you again; for I am desirous for the welfare of your souls. Yea, mine anxiety is great for you; and ye yourselves know that it ever has been."
I was like, hey! That's exactly how I feel. My anxiety is flaring up and you guys know that I feel this way because there is no way Heidi doesn't know that I'm not worried right now.
So then I kept reading. When I got to verse 9, my ears perked again. "Nevertheless, the Lord has shown unto me that they should return again..."
Okay, so yesterday I texted Heidi expecting an update of where they were and how the trip was going, as I always get from her on road trips. But she never responded. Noon came around and I figured she just hadn't looked at her phone yet. Busy doing mom stuff or driving. Then 2 o' clock and still nothing. Then 5. Then 6. Then 7. Still nobody had heard anything. Then midnight came and went and still no sign of Heidi or Dennis. Nobody had heard from them ALL day. Not a text or a Facebook post or nothin'. So, I was worried... to say the least. And most of the time--probably about 100% of the time--when I worry, nobody else is worried. I'm usually the only one. And now that I think about it, that probably means my worries are usually, if not always, irrational. But last night, my mom was worried. And Kelly was worried. And Dianne was worried. And even Robert was worried. If Robert was worried, then I know I'm justified, because that man is just plain care-free! So, now that we were all worried, I was just straight going loco. I was thinking about all the horrible possibilities of what could have happened and why they weren't reachable. That could be a whole blog post of its own--all the stories happening in my head of horrible things that happened to Heidi and Dennis and the boys. Dennis's phone just went straight to voicemail, which is never a good sign. And Heidi's just kept ringing and ringing. I even tried to FaceTime the boys on their iPhone and iPad. Nothin'.
I had already said about 200 prayers by this point and could not get anything on my to-do list done because every time I thought about doing something productive, I would just curl on my bed and pray that my sister and her family were OK. So finally, I got down on my knees and gave God a real prayer. Then I felt like I should read the Book of Mormon to calm my nerves. So I pulled it up on my phone and pressed play in 2 Nephi chapter 2, right where I left off last time. But for some reason I just felt like I should skip a few chapters. Something about chapter 6 felt right, which anybody knows is strange for me. It never feels right for a person with OCD to skip a few chapters and start somewhere where I just haven't gotten to yet. But it felt better in chapter 6. So I pressed play and listened.
The first scripture that caught my interest was verse 3: "Nevertheless I speak unto you again; for I am desirous for the welfare of your souls. Yea, mine anxiety is great for you; and ye yourselves know that it ever has been."
I was like, hey! That's exactly how I feel. My anxiety is flaring up and you guys know that I feel this way because there is no way Heidi doesn't know that I'm not worried right now.
So then I kept reading. When I got to verse 9, my ears perked again. "Nevertheless, the Lord has shown unto me that they should return again..."
I felt peace. It was the first time in hours. But I felt it. And something deep inside me just knew that Heidi and Dennis and my boys would return. Now that I think about it, I should have gotten on my knees again and said a prayer of thanks. But I was so relieved to know they would return that I finally got a little sleep in. Even though I knew, deep down, that everything would be okay, I was still a little worried, because I'm psycho and nothing can relieve my anxiety, not even God telling me straight up that everything is going to be okay. Yeah, I have some problems I need to work on. So anyway, I finally fell asleep, but by this point, there were other people involved in the anxiety-fest.
Kelly woke me up and asked if I'd heard from them yet. Still no word. So we took logical action and called the police department near Bryce Canyon (where we knew they had camped the night before) and asked them to just send someone out to look for their car. They said it was too dark and it would have to wait till 6 AM. So even though I had had my moment of peace, I still started to worry again. Typical me.
This morning, a little after 5 AM I got a text from Heidi. Hallelujah!!! They had stopped to go camping another night in Capitol Reef and didn't have any service. Now they are on their way home and ETA is 5 PM.
I feel so much better--which is why I had to write in this blog. I feel relieved. And I feel grateful. And I feel more empathy toward those poor people that have family members missing and haven't heard from them in days, weeks, months, or even years. The feeling I had for one night was bad enough. I can't even imagine feeling it for any longer... not even if I were normal and didn't have anxiety.
I love my family.
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